I don’t want to break up, but he…

Question

I was with my boyfriend for about a year and 8 months. We loved each other so much, or at least I thought. We always had a tendency to break up and get back together over stupid little things. Now we actually broke up, or so it seems, and he will not talk to me, and says mean things to me. He has always had an anger issue, and is very stubborn and grumpy. We did almost everything together, its almost impossible to not think about him every second of the day. It really hurts because now hes acting as if I don’t exist and neither did our relationship. I love him more than anything in the world, he’s everything to me. And he ALWAYS told me I was everything to him. He mentioned marriage, living together, like a million times. And we were so close, as close as can be. Talked everyday, texted all day everyday, then hungout whenever we could. And now thinking about all of this truly hurts. I don’t know if it’s just a phase because hes trying to stand strong and put his foot down, or if it’s really over. And if you have any idea of how I should handle this and what I should do, please tell me! I once wrote him a letter saying really nice things about our relationship and he loved it because he came and visited me at work to tell me so. I want to do the same thing again and ask him to just please settle down and try and work this out. It’s been almost two weeks now, and I’ve seen him once, we had sex and I felt used. I don’t know if that’s how it is. Should I just give it space? Because for the whole week and a half he would text me back and would talk to me, but now it’s not like that. Please tell me what I should do! I’m so sad over here ): i don’t want us to actually be broken up, but he’s being so cold toward me. Please help me what should I do? I really never wanted to lose him. it started with me breaking up with him because he lied to me about smoking cigarettes but i got over it because i accept him for who he is. and now i don’t know what to do. help please! and not to be rude, but real advice from a person :/ ! pleaseee

 

Response

Dear Break up to make up,

You find yourself in the unfortunate situation that many women do. It is no secret men and women go into relationships seeking different things. A man can hang out with a female, be intimate, and move on like it was something to just pass the time. Conversely when women hang out with men, they invest towards their future. Women don’t spend time without the intention of some sort of harvest.

I prefaced this response by saying that because typically, even with the most sound real advice from a person, women find themselves in situations that they refuse to walk away from. It is instinctive for you to want to fix this situation, but you have to step back and realize what you do and don’t have control over. You don’t have control over making him love you. You do have control over what you accept. If a guy says he wants to break up, the only thing you can control is your action. Trying to repair the relationship at that point is like gluing together a shattered vase. Browsing the net I ran across an old post from Top Cultured (shown below) which discerns what breakup lines really mean. There is truth in their post.

The reality is men will do whatever you allow them to do. You must teach people how to treat you. Also, understand that a man’s words hold no merit until he can prove them with his actions. Guys can tell you you’re the prettiest thing in the world, they want to start a life with you, etc etc…but if their actions don’t follow their words, it was all null and void. What I’m saying is to be smart here and follow your gut. Your gut tells you he’s interested in someone else or something else. Your gut tells you that you are convenient for him; whether that is sex, attention, etc. He knows this and also knows you won’t go anywhere. When guys feel a girl won’t go anywhere, they will talk to them recklessly. Therefore the best thing you can do when a guy is acting out is to administer silence. Being quiet not only makes a man go insane with temper tantrums, but it (1) brings peace and order to your life and (2) allows you to think clearly about your relationship and what you truly want/need.

Please understand, a REAL man will not let you break up over silly things because he will value and cherish what he has, and hold on to it. When guys don’t value what they have, they let it go. And there is no such thing as space. Space with men means some other woman is occupying it. Do not let desperation or a desire to be with him cloud your judgment. Forcing a relationship when your gut tells you…when his actions show you…that it is not a good idea always ends badly. If he says it’s over, say ok. No more kind words, nothing. You don’t get the perks and adoration of a girlfriend without being a boyfriend. Wipe your tears, gather yourself, and open your heart for the right man to come into your life.

 

Many blessings to you!

 

Truth and Love

 

(image courtesy of Top Culture)

 

Comments

  1. sachin kumar says:

    my situation is the same. I dont know while being a girl she always used me. She made a new boyfriend while i was always with her, always did to meke her smile make her happy but finally she left me. She broke my heart, killed my feeling, broke all promises, forgot my love.

    please tell me what I do?

  2. salvador avila says:

    i was with my girlfriend for 2 years, i moved in with her at the second month of dating.I liked a lot and she dii also and we moved to a 1 bedroom apartment but it was a litle far from her job… she doesnt drive agreed to to take the bus when i could n’t give her a ride.she agreed we started t o have problems she goes to school and has a job aswell as i am also.she likes to drinks and smokes marijuana,she’s married but separated from the husband and i still accepted her.. i dont drink that much and i dont do drugs.but liked each other a lot and loved also did mostly everything together.she even offered me marriage and a baby,im 37 years old and she’s 28.now she left me home with an empty apt i missed so much that the day she left i didnt sleep at all its been 5 days she left.i cried like i have never cried in my life,we still talking with she says we can still date but does garanteed me a move in together to a apt.it totally breaks my heart not get her back as it used to be i know the relationship is damage.. but i did already relealize my mistakes i want her back badly.i dont want to loose her….what do i do! please resnond.

  3. Sunshine says:

    I came across your message’s I needed a word to help make sense out what I going through,this man,I met many years ago,came back in my life,he was so broken,confused,blood pressure up and down on medicine,I listen and listen ,we talk about a month or so,than after his devote we started talking and spending time together,we felt in love spending time with each other,alot God brought him back in to my life,but all over Sutton he changed,he said he’s not where I’m at in this relationship,I don’t understand 2 years,we have joy peace love unbelievable,but have back off saying I’m not there yet,he have stop calling me,won’t Response to me,unless I go off,but I don’t understand what happened,he asked what if I ask to marry you what would you said,he ask that question about 3 time,I told him he’s not ready yet,because he was he will just ask,he told me he was moving on,little did I know he had moved on,this hurts so bad,I didn’t think he would ever do such a thing,I released him to God cuz I can’t keep this hurt,he gave me,what is your views of this ,Mr. Young

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