We Need a Place to Call Home!!!


My life is being turned inside out again (I’ve had a difficult life at best) and I could really use some advice. My current landlord has filed for bankruptcy in May 2011 and she let the home I am renting, which I really like, to be put up for foreclosure. I am a single mom of a 16 yr old and a 25 yr old both boys. My youngest son’s only wish now is to have a roof over his head and to graduate from the only school he has ever known, in this town. He will be a junior this yr. and must stay in town 1 more yr in order to graduate from the school (he will have senior privilage next yr and if we can get him there and back he could live anywhere). In 2001 my husband left us, took us to the cleaners and we lost everything, our home, pets, possessions, etc. I was not working at the time and by the time I found work it was too late. I took care of both boys, worked 3 jobs at one point, slept in our car until we could find a rental, paid that landlord over $7,000 to rent since my credit was ruined, got a degree, had a heart attack at 45 and with out health insurance I found out I had tumors that had to be removed so I had to pay over $500 a month for insurance and had a complete hysterectomy last Christmas. My oldest son had the same request in 2003 (to stay in this town and graduate, which I pulled off somehow) when we lost our home. I am not working full time now and only have until Nov. 2011 to get a mortgage and to take the child support into account (since mortgage company’s feel he will only get it until 17 yrs old). After that I do not qualify unless I can find a full time job (been looking for over 3 yrs now to no avail). I want to give him what he wants but I have no real money down and I only qualify for $115,000 mortgage and most are short sales and as is condition. I want to stay in the home where I am at and buy this house but the owner would not go for a short sale and Bank of America that has both loans is not cooperating at all with me or my realitor, saying it would take 2 years for a pre foreclosure sale and they asked for alot of money also, more that it is worth. If I do not buy I can not afford the rent in town as they are atleast $200-400 higher than I was paying, but if I buy on short sale I may get hurt finanacially and be living on the street and it takes alot of time, doesn’t it? I am at my witts end, I feel I am letting myself and my family down again and I would just like ONE thing in our life to be somewhat easy (my only car is ready to die, I live pay check to pay check and now we face homelessness again even though I paid the rent. My credit is 720 but took me 10 years to get it back). How do I get Bank of America to cooperate and are short sales dangerous in any way to the buyer? Please give me some advice, we need a place to call home!!!


The Pursuit of Happyness



Dear Pursuit of Happyness,

We certainly empathize with your situation. Keep in mind this is a relationship based blog. It is not meant to give financial advice, therefore this response will center around how you as a person can develop and grow.

We don’t know your entire life story other than what was told. It is unfortunate the marriage didn’t work, however God found a way to provide for you and your boys. It was not an easy road, but one you traveled nonetheless and made it through. You had a heart attack, but didn’t die. Every situation you’re faced with I’m sure you have this anxiety upfront, but then somehow you make it through. How your financial situation is dire, keep in mind there are women who unfortunately can’t collect ANY child support, live pay check to pay check, have younger children, have more children AND face homelessness. I understand it took forever to get your credit score back up, but once again how many people can say their score, in this day and era, is that high? The reality is sometimes life is not how we expect it to be, but trust it could be much worse. Our situations (and past) seem like they are extremely hard until we look at it from a larger perspective and realize what others are going through.

In this current economy, there are a plethora of people going through similar struggles as you. It is certainly not my intention to discredit nor belittle your situation or what you’re going through, however we all can pretty much list a string of negative events in our lives that have been potential roadblocks. They say your attitude determines your altitude. I didn’t quite grasp that until I had my own family and we had to go through various struggles/storms of our own. What I learned is your attitude, your disposition, really does determine where you put the most focus in life. Life has a way of throwing unexpected things that will bring you to your knees and completely humble you. But the key is how you rebound and handle your attitude towards living afterwards. Do you stifle your living by staying in a constant mode of self-pity and reflecting on mistakes and things you can’t control? Or do you dust yourself off, gather your composure, admit what you did wrong, add it to your life lesson bank, and use the circumstance to grow wiser? Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your life, you have to look at the positive things you are blessed with, otherwise you’ll always have a void. You could get the house, job, car and still feel unfulfilled. You have to define what your pursuit of happiness truly is.

Ultimately the advice we give is to literally take one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other, and count your blessings. Some things in life are out of your control. We have children as well, so I understand your need to want the house, want your son to finish school there, etc, but sometimes what you want and what you need are two completely different things. Sometimes what you need to do is not the popular decision to make. The Bank of America deal and all the other players involved are issues completely out of your control. So you must assess what is in your control? Ask yourself…is it better to hold on to something slipping from my grasp, or take charge of something I can get a hold of? Meaning, is it better to keep pulling on a door that seems closed (trying to stay in the house/neighborhood) even if it may backfire and leave you homeless? Or is it better to use the resources you have, and make sure you have a roof over your head…even if that means moving somewhere else?

That is a “choice” you have to make.

Wisdom and strength to you and your family!

Truth in Love


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