Help, I’m tired of dating ugly chicks!

What does it mean when I have trouble getting a date with an attractive woman?


Simply put, your inability to land an attractive woman is either because (a) you’re not attractive to them or (b) your approach is completely wrong.

From a strictly physical standpoint, most men don’t want to hear it, but women want someone attractive as well. Oftentimes men will judge women by the same standards they refuse to judge themselves. Most men feel like they are entitled to have any woman that they see, regardless of their own appearance. In other words, you can’t look like the Crypt Keeper and think that you will land a Victoria Secret’s supermodel…unless you are bringing something significant to the table.

Attraction is a broad term which is defined differently from person to person. What is attractive to you about the women you desire? What do you desire to get from or out of them with the date? What is your goal? Have you consciously assessed, and are you focusing on what is best and most important to you, for your life, and your future when you are determining what is “attractive”?

What about you is magnetic or do you feel should influence these women to be attracted to you? What are you doing on a regular basis to improve or enhance yourself and your own life that would cause a woman to be attracted to you?

You have to harness or develop the power to attract them. What attracts women to men? Their physical looks, their level of strength and fitness, their personality, their gifts or talents, their knowledge or skill level in a certain area, their ability to make a woman laugh or look at life differently, and let’s be real…some women desire to be provided and taken care of or to at least know that you can take great care of yourself. So your career, business, bank account, house, car, credit & clothing does matter to some women.

If you don’t have these things, you must at least have ambition and a vision towards obtaining them. Ultimately you must figure out how to enhance your own life and become more pleasing or charming to the women you are trying to attract. Otherwise, continue being who you currently are and wait for someone to come along who appreciates the current version of you.

It could be possible that women find you attractive, but your approach is turning them away. Your course of action or lack of action is obviously not getting you the reaction you desire. So what do you need to change? You have to have confidence. Many women like a man who carries himself with confidence or swag. The tone of your question demonstrates that you don’t have the type of self-confidence to get the type of woman you are going after. If you don’t think highly enough of yourself to possess confidence, why should she think highly of you? Don’t fear approaching any woman. If you do so with tact, respect, and kindness and she responds in a negative way, then she was not someone that it was best to get involved with anyway.

Self-reflective questions to ask yourself:
• Are you going to places where “attractive” women exist?
• Does your eye contact and body language toward her reflect or show your confidence?
• Are you well-groomed and looking your best before you approach her?
• Are you finding ways to ask attractive women questions and get to know them to understand their likes or dislikes, or if you even like them?
• Are you asking women about themselves?
• Are you using the information about her likes or dislikes to your advantage to get her to take notice of you? Many women are attracted to a man who at least seems like he is listening. Demonstrate your listening skills to her.
• What are you doing to establish some type of common bond or interest with her?
• Are you actually putting yourself out there and asking the question… Do they want to go out on a date with you? It’s possible, but highly unlikely that an attractive woman is going to just randomly leap into your lap and ask you out on a date.
• Are you able to remain calm, cool, and collected when speaking to these women or if they do say yes? Relax. If you are tense when you approach her, she will sense it and feed off of it. That is not attractive.
• Are you being overbearing? Where are you asking her to go with you, a friendly, fun public environment or to your parent’s house for dinner?
• Are you letting her know you are interested, but also giving her space, room and opportunity to respond favorably if she wants to?

Qualities you should seek
What’s really important is that you are able to be yourself on the date, in a relationship, or any further commitment after that. If you want anything more than a momentary fling with a woman, it is important to realize that outward “attractiveness” or beauty fades. If you want more than a shallow interaction and desire something long-lasting, then you want to find someone with a beautiful, kind spirit above all else. Even if their physical appearance is what you deem to be the most important factor, sexual interaction/contact (even in marriage) will not occur 24/7, 365 days a year. Therefore, she better have more than physical beauty in order for the relationship to last.

What are other qualities to look for? Does she have a sweet, kind spirit? Is she intelligent? Does she possess any wisdom? Can she make you laugh? Do you have anything in common? Are there common interests between you or activities that you both like that you can do together? Does she treat others well? (Side note: if she can’t interact well with anyone but you, she will destroy all of your other relationships.) Does she have the type of drive or personality that you like or prefer?

The choice is yours. You can wait for something to miraculously change in the way these women view you, or you can change, grow, and become something different. You have to decide what is really important to you and what you want before you approach dating to determine the best plan or course of action to take for your life.

Wisdom and blessings to you,




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